Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I want to END my life! I fil lyk my life is jus a burden to evryone. D world wld b beta 4 many ppl without me in it. Yes! Thats how i feel. My brother just told me that im d onli one in this world that annoys him. He said dt im irritating said i lack wisdom and that he can never respect me. He spoke his mind nd he isn't sori. Evry one i get close to, i giv them sorows upon sorrows. My eyes r fild wiv tears. I jes want to disappear. Wat my brother said hurt! He was so cold nd bitter,... I thought he was ma bestfriend! But he's bin kipin dis in his mind since. I feel like shit. I'm just nasty. He said that my behaviour isn't nice at all. All this 4m ma junior bro. He said i don't respect ma elders tew. Nd he's right im just jerky 2 any1 n evry1. Even Lover Boy! Am sur that he's just putin up wit me. I'm so nasty nd unfair to him. I don't even feel like talkin to any1 agn. I onli make evr1 sad. I shld mayb enrol in sum convent nd bcum a nun nd dedicate ma lyf to God. Sometymz, i fil lyk am being punishd! Wat av i dun to deserve this? I pray n pray to God that i want to change nd then sumtin cums up nd i begin to decieve ma self dt am a guhd person. Yeah, right. God shld jus 4giv me. No one wnts to spik to mi agn like Tboi 4 instance. I evn culd im but he's stil actin like im 4cin maslf on im. I dnt blame im nyway. I SUCK! No one lvs me. I want to disappear. My exams' on Sat. I dnt knw y me nd ma bro had 2 av dis fyt today nd y he had 2 spil TODAY. I was just readin nd pow! I cnt concentrate now. I'l try nd 'cast ma burdens on The Lord' i wondr at times if Jesus evn.... no, i shld prolly nt say that... Yeah ok. I've vented! Not that i dnt stil fil horrible or luk a mess. I was actuali cryin in 4nt of evry1. I hope bro is satisfied nw. I jes want to get away 4m evry1 nd evriting! *sniff, sniff*
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hmmn, my exams ar fast approaching. I have jes one week left to prepare. God plz help me. Ah, boys in school want to kil me. Tee isn't talking to me. I feel so...so, like there's this space in me. I didn't do anything to him, we didn't quarel. He jes made up his mind not tew speak to me again. Dizzy is into me nd he believes that its ma fault. He is cool nywæz buh he gets rily jealous these days. Mayb its ma fault,as he said. Mayb i'm so weird when it cumz tew guyz. That i give them hope that am tew friendly. He thinks thats one of the reasons that tee's not talkin to me. 'wat if he likes you?' dizzy said. 'i shld just back off, maybe if i back off things wil be ok'. Purleeze? And agn, Tboi's also nt talkin to Dizy, nd Ronie a gurl he is supposed to like at list last wk nd nw he shuns us all. He is just arrogant. If he's w8in 4 me tew ask im wats wrng or beg im, he's gon grow metalic beard. I knw how he is thats y i say this. If he was sum1 elz, i wld av askd n al dt. Bt teeboi is mur complicatd than that. So, dizzy has turnd me too one hrt robber. Nw is ma fault dt am getin attentn 4m guys in sch. *snorts* all i went dr to do is to study! Is that so wrong. In a wk all these wil b over. If i dnt go 4 post ume class that is. Wel, lover boy is pulin sum tricks. All of a sudden talkin bouh sex. He doesn't knw me its sad rily. He thinks i'l giv it up 2 him. He's drunk. Dis lyf ehn? No one is as they seem. I'll jus trust God.